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Somewhere in my news feed I saw a clip of our nation’s elected leader in Houston, telling the media and hard-hit flood victims, “Have a good time everybody.” It reminded me of the moment when, in the throes of the worst tragedy ever to hit my beloved hometown of New York, our mayor encouraged us to “go shopping.” Leaders may believe that encouraging people to make light or turn away from tragedy calms them, but I know the opposite to...

Years ago I heard a captivating talk by Resonate author Nancy Duarte at the World Domination Summit. Duarte’s talk, delivered seamlessly and in fact, resonating deeply, was about the elements of a great speech.  Her talk modeled everything she spoke of: it had a good story arc in which the audience was the hero, and she, as guide, clearly illustrated the potential for our success as speakers. She spoke mostly of renown speakers like Martin Luther King Jr. and Steve Jobs, but she included just the right...

If one doesn’t immediately come to mind, you’re probably scanning your life for your latest bad habit. Is it the late-night, TV-watching snacks? Or the TV watching itself? The addictive drugs or alcohol you’ve struggled with over the years? Maybe it’s more like a vice, like coffee. Or your phone. As you wade through the pile of destructive habits, I’ll wager there’s one that’s worse. A killer that lurks beneath the other habits, and one you may not have even...

Why didn’t he understand? Why did she get SO upset? I WAS JUST BEING HONEST!!! This has been you at some point, right? You were just having a simple, no-biggie talk with your significant other. Or your colleague. Or your sister. And then, whoooooaaaa . . .you thought expressing your feelings would clear the air and make you feel better, but it just made everything worse. Honesty is of incredible value in this world of alternative facts. Sometimes, our honesty...

It is important to consider when and how honesty is useful, and how much honesty is necessary to get your point across. It is good to see where some self-containment, little white lies and omissions are occasionally well employed. Therefore, when giving feedback or expressing honestly, ask the right questions. Here are some guidelines to keep in mind.

I was onsite interviewing several employees about their work environment, when, between meetings, I couldn’t help but overhear the playful banter of two IT guys, pouring over a monitor at a station nearby. They were trying to fix one problem when they apparently uncovered another, unrelated problem. They paused for a second. Then, one said: “Not my problem dot com.” He stared into the screen and moved on to something else. I giggled quietly. And I wondered: was he speaking...

In the 7th post in the Relationship as a Team Series, what each partner wanted, more than peaceful and clear communication, was to tear the other's head off. When the aggressive impulse is lurking and leading underneath the content, no well-meaning model of communication stands a chance.

One of the things I really enjoy about working with business leaders and organizations is the ability to grow by focusing on something outside oneself. As a therapist, my focus was internal and naturally, always directed towards my clients. As we talked, we focused on the emerging stories, and intensely on each other. In that sacred space, much about relating in general is revealed. It is a binary process. In my work with businesses, our focus is on growing the initiative. Even...

I was talking to a man who started dating. He was irritated because when he took his date to the restaurant, she said, "I can’t eat here. It’s not vegan.” He didn’t mind her food preferences and thought there would be some options for her at the place he chose. But her declaration had a tone of entitlement.

The more you say these words with conviction and presence, the more you experience what it means to show up for yourself. What it means to be there when the shit hits the fan, when your life as you know it falls to pieces. And if you are interested in deep love and leadership, it will do just that from time to time.