Right Relationship Roles: How Not To Become Your Partner’s Therapist*

therapist
*or life coach, counselor, consultant, healer, advisor, etc.

Have you ever been so transformed by a growth-oriented, psychological, spiritual or holistic practice that you became “The Prophet” for it?

And then you were able to diagnose when others’ ailments could and should be corrected by those practices or a specific practitioner? You’ve probably found yourself analyzing and diagnosing your significant other, hoping that he or she will listen to your diagnosis and change for the better.

This is NATURAL.

We want the best for the people we love. If it worked for us, it will work for them too, right?

But it also can be ANNOYING and create distance. You see, you may have a sense of what I learned in my early 30’s: Therapist / healer / life coach / (and especially parent) is the WRONG ROLE for intimate personal relationships.

Naturally, as a therapist myself, my relationships suffered from making this mistake (Thank you to my dear, dear friends in my 20s and early 30s for being my practice patients before I actually became a therapist). It took me a long time to understand the power dynamics that get set into motion when you become your partner’s healer.

The really tricky thing about stepping into the role of being your significant other’s life coach / therapist is that it’s not all bad. In fact, there are quite a few very nice aspects to it.

We live in a time where there is no shortage of universal wisdom at our fingertips. Why not share it when the sentiment fits? Plus, we all have natural talents as advisors and therapists. When you are able to use those talents to provide accurate analysis, good advice or rich reflections to your lover in a time of need, it feels GOOD. Personally, I love to help anyone I care about by providing assistance that helps lift their spirits and feel more hopeful. Additionally, when someone lets you into their growth process, you share a rich and sacred intimacy. You have impact.

So why stop?
Because I learned the hard way that chronic therapizing, consulting or coaching in any non-professional relationship is also:

  • Diminishing the person’s sense of self
  • A way of avoiding being loved
  • An invitation to cycles of praise and rejection
  • Basing my worth on my ability to be of service
  • Setting the stage for later abandonment (when the person outgrows their need for you)

I learned to effectively step out of the therapist role into different kinds of relationship roles that so that I can love and truly be loved.

Imagine: What would your relationships look like if you didn’t feel the need to fix your partner?

I offer a mini-course that will teach you alternative roles that will help you feel empowered in a different way. It will help you to trust in your partner’s innate resources to figure it out and get the help he or she needs. You are allowed to insist they turn a corner if their problems are impacting you and the relationship. But if you help them to do so, then you are stepping into a role that could backfire in the face of the intimacy you crave.

Are you interested in learning about the right roles for intimacy and learning how to feel more satisfied in your intimate relationships? Sign-up for the mini-course that will uncover:

  • Why we feel so compelled to fix our partner
  • The difference between observation and analysis
  • The difference between reflecting and advising
  • The mixed messages you send when you play therapist, coach, etc.
  • Three simple ways to recognize if you are playing therapist and how to stop

If you ARE a therapist, consultant or life coach, then you probably know how tempting it can be to analyze your friends, partners and loved ones all the time. It’s part of who you are, and it is silly to think you can completely turn it off. This mini-course will help you take off the invisible “doctor is in” sign you perpetually broadcast.

This one-hour mini-course is also for:

  • People who love coaching, therapy and analysis
  • People who are health nuts
  • People who are *way* into yoga and/or a variety of spiritual practices
  • People who are curious about which roles work best in relationships

Want to learn how to avoid this passion-squelching trap? Sign-up, now

I also teach people how to play effective roles in their lives and in their relationships.  For more information the Intimate Authority 7-week Online Course: How to Co-create dynamic and drama-free relationships without losing yourself or Individual Mentoring, join my email list below.

 

2 responses to “Right Relationship Roles: How Not To Become Your Partner’s Therapist*”

  1. Alli Polin says:

    My favorite thing I walked away from my coach training with is the knowledge that we’re all naturally creative, resourceful and whole. My partner can figure his stuff out without me as his coach… and life is good.

    Great upcoming webinar from you, Blair!

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