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A few years ago I worked with a woman who had been suddenly and brutally abandoned as a young girl by her father, who left her family for another in another country. As you might imagine, as a grown woman, trusting men in intimacy was extremely difficult. Every perceived threat of abandonment by an intimate — like a late returned phone call or decision to go somewhere without her — would set off a chain of reactions that felt real...

When a big storm is coming, mother nature lets you know. Wind, clouds, humidity and barometric pressure all change in established and predictable ways. Relationship patterns are not so different from weather. If you want to change the stormy patterns in your relationship, I recommend you begin to look for the warning signs in your partner, and take cover. (6th post in the Leadership in Relationship Series).

Here we are, again at the start. So many new opportunities to lead in love, to hold your own while loving another. To love, without losing you. We look for impact in our profession, in our level of success: how much did we earn, how did we lead, what contributions did we make? But we often neglect to assess the direct impact we have daily in our personal world:     Impact on our children, our parents, our partners, our...

I made a different funny face for every ridiculous reason Barry gave for his decision to stop dating his fabulous new love interest (she doesn’t like rock music; she’s shorter than most women he dates; he’s not sure if his son would like her kids — who Barry himself hasn’t met). Then, he got quiet. “I know I set out to find a relationship, but maybe a relationship would be too much,” he said. “I’m just getting a sense of myself,...

The first in a series about leadership in relationship, this backwards post is meant to provoke thought and reflection about how and why we fight. If you're in a partnership, romantic or business, at some point in time you are going to disagree. Conflict is unavoidable. And some people, maybe even you, make a habit of it. Fighting in a loop de loop is a treacherous sport. Here's how to perfect it:

A variety of relationship experts are counseling men to pump up their masculinity and women to return to their softer feminine sides, in the hopes that some lost chemistry between the sexes will return. What’s great about these ideas is that it encourages men and women to think about pleasure, polarity and how they want to feel. But let's not sidestep the judgement in this way of thinking.

When we are unprepared, our vulnerability gets triggered, which is a good thing in terms of growth and learning for the next time. But if we take the time to really learn, and prepare to better handle what threw us off center the last time, the more opportunities we will have to risk and bring our vulnerability to our partners by choice.

You can’t always choose how life is going to go, but if you pay attention to the roles that simply take over and lead you nowhere, you can begin, as Katherine models, to select what roles you want to play. And that enables you to steer the relationSHIP to safety in rough waters.

Katherine got into the car, and immediately felt Steve’s lousy mood suck all the air out of it. “Oh no,” she thought. She knew Steve wasn’t thrilled about going to visit her brother’s family. It was a chilly winter Sunday. He wanted to lounge about, watch the games, and stay put. But she expressed it was important to her and he had agreed to go. Does he always have to punish me with his mood? she wondered, agitatedly. She was...

Sheila and Tracy found themselves arguing mercilessly about logistics. Who was doing more household tasks? How was the middle child going to get to piano on Wednesday? When would Tracy have time to go back to yoga? Who was going to figure out the logistics of getting them to a family reunion in August? The stress became overwhelming, and threatened to destroy them.