Sheila and Tracy found themselves arguing mercilessly about logistics. Who was doing more household tasks? How was the middle child going to get to piano on Wednesday? When would Tracy have time to go back to yoga? Who was going to figure out the logistics of getting them to a family reunion in August? The stress became overwhelming, and threatened to destroy them.
When I allow the dismal thoughts and stories associated with the feelings to lead ("I am alone," "I will be alone forever," "I am too old, too picky, etc."), the team within is immobilized. I find myself wandering aimlessly in a very bleak forest. But when I cradle my pain in one arm while holding faith, hope and trust in myself in the other, I move through the world with an exquisite tension.
Are you someone who just loves conferences and workshops? Or do you have mixed feelings about attending them? For me, it's definitely the latter. When I'm with large groups, overtired from travel or stimulation, over-networked and over-stuffed with information, the demons and default feelings tend to emerge.
If you actually consult with leaders, you know how impossibly rare the combination of ideal qualities is, and how much time and effort it takes for leaders to cultivate the "soft skills" that don't come naturally but would drastically improve their leadership abilities. And then, every once in a while, a leader emerges who embodies nearly all of those rich qualities that sound so good on paper. And upon contact, your being hums with recognition.
While lists and steps provoke thought and provide wisdom and structure, they cannot fix your life, transform you into Churchill, or heal your broken heart.
Success does not discriminate between the two. But true Leadership does. You will be recognized, followed and deeply appreciated as a leader if you embody a healthy self-esteem. You will be occasionally respected, often reviled and at best tolerated if you lead with your grandiosity. Do you have the strength to look at yourself and know the difference?
In the fourth post in the Leadership in Relationship Series, Amber and her boyfriend use leadership principles to co-create a partnership that diminishes drama, minimizes the tendency to get emotionally wound up and take everything personally, and increase the flow of communication, connection and closeness.
I once lived in an ashram where hours of time would be put into very detailed and laborious tasks, such as filing tens of thousands of letters, painting a meditation hall or peeling hundreds of pounds of apples. At some point well towards the end of an exhaustive assignment, the teacher would come by and notice a very small but essential mistake that the success of the entire project was contingent upon. And so we had to start over from...
Even if you’re in a good relationship, a great relationship, it can be pretty easy to lose touch with your partner. When you lose touch with your primary partner, you can lose full access to your heart, your vitality and your natural good cheer, or, as they like to say, holiday spirit.