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One seemingly ordinary January day, I was walking along the road from my home in the woods to run some errands in the little town of Woodstock, NY. My brain, churning a million thoughts -- about my relationship, my work, my close friends — suddenly stopped, and what appeared before me was . . .

When people are under the gun, unless they are super clear on what their job is, they may unconsciously resort to four main default "jobs," while what they are actually contracted to do takes a close, sometimes distant second.

On a recent summer day, a large group of family and friends were enjoying a picnic at a local state park. After eating, the kids jumped up to play, while the parents hunkered down at the next table for some adult time, which was abruptly interrupted.

Everything of high value requires your protection: Your sentimental objects, your iPhone, your children, your health, your IRA. So why not your dear, dear heart? Counter to popular new age philosophy that being open with and about everything is the key to living well, I am going to counsel you to protect your vulnerability.

I recently received this comment from a colleague who unsubscribed from my e-mail list: "I just have too many emails coming into my box, I need to streamline, you understand!" I certainly do understand.

You can’t always choose how life is going to go, but if you pay attention to the roles that simply take over and lead you nowhere, you can begin, as Katherine models, to select what roles you want to play. And that enables you to steer the relationSHIP to safety in rough waters.

While lists and steps provoke thought and provide wisdom and structure, they cannot fix your life, transform you into Churchill, or heal your broken heart.

I know what some of you might be thinking. Ummm, Blair, did I read the title of this one correctly? Arrogance is bad. Of course, arrogance can be a big problem in love and leadership. In a recent and poignant tweet chat about vanity, members of one of my online leadership communities became so fierce about this flaw, it was bordering on arrogant. But if everything light has a shadow, isn’t the opposite also true? Let me explain. A while...

Even if you’re in a good relationship, a great relationship, it can be pretty easy to lose touch with your partner. When you lose touch with your primary partner, you can lose full access to your heart, your vitality and your natural good cheer, or, as they like to say, holiday spirit.

I'm not going to be telling you how to "be with your loneliness" in the hopes that one day you will be more like the rest of us grown-ups, chasing kids around and secretly feeling nostalgic for the days when our lives looked like yours. I don’t hope for you -- unless it’s your heart’s desire-- that you will be partnered soon and eventually forget this time.