Blog

One of the things I really enjoy about working with business leaders and organizations is the ability to grow by focusing on something outside oneself. As a therapist, my focus was internal and naturally, always directed towards my clients. As we talked, we focused on the emerging stories, and intensely on each other. In that sacred space, much about relating in general is revealed. It is a binary process. In my work with businesses, our focus is on growing the initiative. Even...

The other day I saw a short video talk that reminded me of a dear friend who lives on the other coast. I Facebook messaged it to her with a little note. She messaged me back within minutes, expressing gratitude and adding a few comments and questions. We had a sweet little back and forth. Later that night, I was fortunate to see the Tony Award-winning musical, “Hamilton.” As I tried to comprehend what life was like during the time...

Master of one Renown writer, teacher and Buddhist nun Pema Chodron tells the story of being sent by her teacher to direct North America’s foremost Tibetan Buddhist monastery. After years of devotion, Chodron excelled at practice, scripture, stillness and meditation. But in her new position, Chodron discovered that she was no Buddha. She quickly learned that she had no idea how to lead effectively, and people were not shy about letting her know how bad she was at it. Her...

I made a different funny face for every ridiculous reason Barry gave for his decision to stop dating his fabulous new love interest (she doesn’t like rock music; she’s shorter than most women he dates; he’s not sure if his son would like her kids — who Barry himself hasn’t met). Then, he got quiet. “I know I set out to find a relationship, but maybe a relationship would be too much,” he said. “I’m just getting a sense of myself,...

Eden was upset. John was nervous. Eden, with her good communication, had asked John to “just listen.” John knew that meant he couldn’t fix her problem. So he listened. And when she was done talking it all out, she looked up at him with pain on her face and cried out, You’re not going to say anything?!!! John threw his hands in the air. “What do you want from me? I don’t fix and I listen, and now it seems you...

There is always comedy in the extremes, and I don’t know about you, but when I recognize the crooked truths, I immediately start thinking about ways to fix them: Single life doesn’t HAVE to be so lonely if you plan right, and married lives don’t HAVE to be so boring if you put some forethought and effort into it, RIGHT???

When we are unprepared, our vulnerability gets triggered, which is a good thing in terms of growth and learning for the next time. But if we take the time to really learn, and prepare to better handle what threw us off center the last time, the more opportunities we will have to risk and bring our vulnerability to our partners by choice.

You’ve probably found yourself analyzing and diagnosing your significant other, hoping that he or she will listen to your diagnosis and change. This is both natural, and potentially toxic.

Change is destabilizing -- and for most people, destabilization is very triggering. When people are emotionally triggered or feeling insecure, relationships suffer. Sometimes, sadly, they cannot withstand the stress, and people grow apart. But does that make personal growth an adversary to good relationships?

Katherine got into the car, and immediately felt Steve’s lousy mood suck all the air out of it. “Oh no,” she thought. She knew Steve wasn’t thrilled about going to visit her brother’s family. It was a chilly winter Sunday. He wanted to lounge about, watch the games, and stay put. But she expressed it was important to her and he had agreed to go. Does he always have to punish me with his mood? she wondered, agitatedly. She was...