Facing Facebook
Finally Here:
It's a new day, a new era, and a new season is approaching fast. It's a perfect time to announce the new look, new name and new URL of my practice. Of course, I was told it would take about three weeks, so I prepared for three months, and 13 months later, Voila! Please explore blairglaser.com and feel free to let me know what you think! New e-mail alert: SpiritPlay.org will soon be e-history, and I will no longer be receiving e-mails there -- be sure to replace Blair@spiritplay.org with my new address: blair@blairglaser.com!
What's been on my mind, and it seems, everyone's computer screens lately, is Facebook. I sometimes rue my decision not to join, as I feel I am missing out on what everyone from my past and present is up to, but I often rejoice that I have been spared the lure and constant barrage of aimless information.
One thing I have learned for sure, is that Facebook makes you face sh-t. Long lost friends who you may or may not want to reconnect with come knocking on your e-door without a warning, inviting you to be their "friends." Long lost loves are reconnecting, sparking old flames in new circumstances. Before you know it, parts of yourself you thought were tucked away for good come parading around your consciousness, while you are simultaneously getting updates about what your old/new friend's kids are having for breakfast.
Facebook, with its aura of playful ease in reconnecting and staying connected, can be equally nauseating. Below are just a few of the psycho-spiritual gifts and challenges Facebook offers.
Community and/ or Calamity
In today's techno-global world, a three dimensional community can be difficult to establish and/or maintain. Facebook offers a sense of community, albeit in a two-dimensional format. Even though you can't actually reach out and touch someone, you can let 30+ people know that you are hungry, worried about the economy, or "in a relationship." This can be fun, and occasionally problematic when you have too many "friends" from different places. One woman I know posted in jest after a hard transition, that she and her long-term boyfriend were thinking of taking a break. Her boyfriend's brother, who was on her list, told his parents, who called her in a panic to check up. Another man used Facebook to post when and where he was going to volunteer for one political candidate, but the officemates who were on his list not only differed in political stance, but also expected him to be working during those times. Whoops.
Psst, psst, it's your Past
I keep hearing about how people who thought they were "over" adolescent insecurities find themselves in a tizzy when the online antics of the old high school or college crew calls it all up again. The reverse also seems to be true; experiencing a subtle feeling of vengeful glee at the sight of the former high school prom queen, grown heavy with age and family. In addition to exploring your relationship to your feelings from the past, these knockings present an opportunity to clean up unfinished business with others. You may have a chance to resolve an issue with someone you had a falling out with, or with someone you had a falling in with (aka a one-night stand) who might offer an opportunity to look at your past behavior and make amends.
You've Come A Long Way, Baby
Alternately, Facebook may show you how much you have grown, and how much distance now exists between you and the types of things that used to drive you crazy. When you are unfazed, and even feel honest admiration for the successful, well-rounded page representing that guy you had a maddening crush on all through college, you can smile at the level of understanding and respect for yourself you now have. It's nice to pause and recognize the freedom that comes with age.
Facebookers Anonymous
This may seem obvious, but posting on Facebook when you are sh-t-faced could be hazardous to your mental and emotional health. But even sober, Facebook can bring you face-to-face with your addictive nature, and may inspire you to create boundaries with yourself about where, when and how much time to spend paying attention to the "walls" and postings. Do it before, as happened to one woman, your child or spouse does it for you, in a post saying something like, "Honey, we need you. Love, your off-screen family."
And remember, wether you dabble or are fully addicted to Facebook, or if you don't even know what Facebook is,
Love Yourself no matter what.