The Sexy Side of Boring

I usually go for seltzer water or fermented grapes, but sometimes you get the kind of news that is better swallowed with real spirits. This is the space I found myself in one recent Saturday eve, when I met a friend who has been chewing on some bad news of his own for a long time, at a bar that specializes in old fashioned mixed drinks.

As we parsed through the Bad News updates, and the liquor smoothed away some of the serious edges, we joked that it might be best to simply end it all. It was determined that death by drowning in my hot tub would be a most sensational way to go.

And then, with a tone of genuine support, he asked, “What ARE you going to do moving forward?”

I told him about the book I’m writing, helping relationships thrive by teaching leadership skills that will get couples out of their drama and on the same team.

“I’m bored already,” he said without a beat.

My stomach sank. I reminded myself that he’s in marketing, and a good enough friend to be honest about his reaction.

“Give me a minute!” I retorted, and walked him through some of the ideas and principles I offer in the Lovers and Leaders paradigm of relationship I am creating. He perked up (what a relief). We got into some interesting conversations, about men, women and past mishaps in his relationships that the skills I recommend might have averted.

But after I left, I thought about all those relationship books on the shelves of Barnes and Noble, and wondered: What if it people do think it’s boring?  How will it stand out?

But then I had a mini-revelation:

What if it is a little boring, and what if that’s not bad? 

The tension of opposites

Most of us want a fabulous love. A fairy tale, ecstatic, thriving relationship. And perhaps, in our desire to experience it, we don’t take the time to deal with some very basic and useful steps that could help us really have more of what we want. We avoid laying the groundwork and doing the maintenance which could help us sustain the passion — tasks which some may consider to be, well, boring if not anti-romantic, or at the very least, sort of a buzz kill.

As excited as you are about a new business venture, you wouldn’t start a small business partnership without a plan; without several meetings to establish what your vision for the business is, who is going to play what role and what your expectations are. And in today’s market, you better know what your real purpose in launching the business is.

And so it should be in love. In this day and age where we have so much choice about relationship, taking the time to create a vision for your relationship, cultivate an understanding of WHY you are together, and decipher what roles work and what roles really don’t is paramount, even if it seems like the boring or less exciting part of love. But like the steady web of tree roots taking hold into solid ground, these are the activities and principles that allow us to grow, soar and bend together in the sometimes ecstatic and often destabilizing winds of love.

Sometimes, leadership isn’t the sexy part. Share on X But when applied in love, it can help you trust and relax. And that sure makes the sexy part even sexier.

Do you resonate? How do you lead in relationship? Leadership skills can help reduce drama and increase fun, creativity and satisfaction in our relationships. Want to learn how to stand in your authority in intimacy? Don’t miss your chance, in the Intimate Authority Online Course,  starting May, 18 2015!

6 responses to “The Sexy Side of Boring”

  1. Samantha says:

    Excellent points Blair.

    In short (as I have to leave here shortly!), having been married for 15 years before my husband passed away, I can say this. NO relationship can survive a constant adrenaline rush!

    That’s actually good news. Because to hold a belief that relationships are supposed to be on this peak of bliss 24/7 is so far from reality and it is something that NO human being can live up to! No one wants to feel like they have to be ‘ON’ all of the time…where every moment, exchange, and encounter is like a well thought out wedding proposal day in and day out.

    WHO on this earth can handle that sort of pressure? lol

    I know I can’t.

    I can say this though…it was the rare occasion that I wasn’t ‘hot’ for my husband. I had to be REALLY upset with him and he needed to be in the dog house in a heavy duty way..or one of us or both of us were just flat out exhausted.

    Otherwise, we never did lose our passion. Thankfully. : )

    Thanks for sharing Blair!

    • Blair Glaser says:

      Thanks for your honest post Samantha!
      What’s great about your share is how you model how important sexual attraction can be to people who get married. That may not be a central factor for all couples, but it sounds like it was a blessing for yours and a key part of what worked about you as a couple.
      Thanks again, always love reading your responses.

  2. Alli Polin says:

    I truly believe that leadership happens through relationships. Love how you help us see that’s not only true in a big city skyscraper, or in a small business partnership but in our most dear of relationships.

    Besides… you? boring? nah.

    • Blair Glaser says:

      Awww, thanks Alli!
      Yes, leadership happens in relationships. Now I’m on a mission to help people use it (and general OD principles/practices) with awareness in order to create the richest relationships possible.
      Thanks for being a part of the experiment!

  3. Many believe create drama in relationship because they need to feel alive – as such – they will either deliberately or unconsciously sabotage relationships to create that thrill –

    Much better asking why they need that thrill and how they might get it in healthier ways –

    Love the idea of the book – but I do think the word ‘paradigm’ in a book title is not great from a marketing perspective – if you’re not already set on it – why not throw out a brainstorm to friends or online friends – the content of the book sounds fantastic –

    • Blair Glaser says:

      Thanks for the comment, Dionne. And for the support of the project and the marketing advice! No title has yet been chosen, but I”ll keep your two cents about the word paradigm in mind!

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