Words

How to Sort Out Actual Jerks from those Doing Their Jobs

When a worker's behavior is annoying, the framework of role-to-role relationships can help us make sense of our reactions so Read article

Four Types of Influence to Use at Work

People think influence is just for sales. By studying these four types of influence, you can increase you leadership at Read article

The Excesses of Compassion: A Fallen Guru Reading List

If you like stories about spiritual teachers and how it all goes wrong, you'll love this reading list with a Read article

Ace Your Next Interview for a Management Position

Even if your prospective employers don’t ask every one of these, preparing to answer them will help you gain clarity Read article

Set Your Season Right. Do the Holiday Huddle

Want to avoid a huge holiday hangover? Do the Holiday Huddle with you partner or family so you get what Read article

Healing Trauma Through Drama

You've probably heard that unhealed trauma creates drama. But did you know that drama can heal trauma? Read article

First Time Recovering From a Pandemic?

The pandemic is over. Sort of. It was getting to me. Maybe it's getting to you, too. Read article

A Man Stole My Ideas. I Could Have Handled it Better.

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How to Join a ‘Cult’ Safely

With so many groups promising growth, community, and self-improvement, how do we connect with ourselves and others without harm? Read article

How to Make the Right Hire

By following these 15 tips, you’ll conduct a smooth and professional interview—and increase your chances of making and retaining the Read article

Servant Leadership is Not Mommy Leadership

There’s a common mistake that servant leaders make, and yes, women are the most vulnerable to making it, even though Read more

Watching ‘The Vow’ Is Giving Me Flashbacks To My Time Living With A Charismatic Guru

Was my spiritual community a cult? What is the role of being one of the lucky ones? Read article

How Online Shaming Gives us the Illusion of Control

Are the online wars a distraction from what's really going on? Read article

The Difference Between Self-expression and Communication

Improve your relationships by learning the difference. Read more

How To Take Yourself Less Seriously Despite the Pandemic

Has the pandemic eaten your sense of humor? Reasons why and how to get better at laughing at yourself. Read article

“Friends” on the Path to Enlightenment

I turned 50 when "Friends" turned 25. The first time I watched was in an ashram basement. Let's just say Read article

Thanks for the Hint, Instagram

If you're a woman on Instagram over 40, this comedic send up is for you. Read article

Do Male Leaders Struggle With Appreciation?

One leader's struggle with the difference between praise and appreciation may point to a trend. Read article

Five Potentially Hazardous New Age Myths

Are you using spirituality as a defense? Read article

Conquering the Evil Queen

How I stopped hating myself. Read article

Anti-Racism: Beyond Checking the Box

There’s no risk in saying you’re anti-racist. If you’re going to communicate in a meaningful way with your customers, constituents and donors Read more

Smashing the Patriarchy, One Comment at a Time

Destructive competition, and telling people what to do, often backfire. Here's what to do instead. Read more

Got Resolutions? First, Get Miserable

I invite you, in your resolution making this year, to include three little dark creatures that are disguised as enemies, Read more

Is Your Conscious Relationship Drama Central?

Why it's time to move out of the drama of processing and into the business of loving. Read more

The Antidote to Imposter Syndrome

You can lessen the influence of imposter syndrome if you remember this one thing. Read more

Why I’m Leaving Leadership for Authority

Authority is what makes leadership effective. Read more

How to Handle Your New Boyfriend’s Pullback

Has your hot new relationship suddenly hit a wall? Here are some reasons why and three things you can do Read article

Life In an Ashram While Being Celibate Made Me More Lonely

When we suppress our humanity, we cut ourselves off from connection. Read article

In the Midst of a Break-up: A Tale of Letting Go

How I managed to let go of the guy who was married to his job. Read article

Stretching and Falling Your Way to Growth

Growth requires us to stretch past our comfort zone, and fall through the unknown. Read article

4 Major Barriers to Standing in Your Professional Authority

Hint: "Not being your old nasty boss" is not a leadership strategy. Read more

A Generation Gap – Entitlement vs. Empowerment

Empowerment and Entitlement can look alike. But to people we interact with, they don't feel the same. Read more

Leadership Lessons from 5500 ft.

Flying in what feels like a tin can is very scary. But focusing on a task helped me ignore the Read more

How to Hold Others Accountable Without Hounding Them

I’ve noticed more struggles with accountability across the board. (Speaking of boards, accountability often suffers in nonprofit boards, because volunteers). Read more

Happy January, The Blank Slate

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When Fear is Mean

Amidst the clank and clatter of a bustling coffee shop, I shared my latest fear with a girlfriend. “I’m scared about writing… Read more

Distraction is Inevitable: Try Synthesis

The Need for Reflection A leader I work with had a problem: His company was growing. Growth is always what… Read more

Holding a Gun — and Power — with Respect

The unexpected power of holding a gun offers insights to the power of great leaders. Read more

Effective Communication about Communicating

I have a three-step process for getting in touch with one of my executive clients.  I email her once. Sometimes I have… Read more

Is Meditation Enough? Three Types of Authority Required for Mastery

Master of one Renown writer, teacher and Buddhist nun Pema Chodron tells the story of being sent by her teacher… Read more

Travel Stress? 4 Ways to Travel as a Team

So many people get unhinged during traveling. Atypical hostility and tension mount. The rush, the anxiety, the transition seems to Read more

Twilight zone? Yup. Despair? Nope

I for one will never understand why Donald Trump’s candidacy did not end at “grab ‘em by the pussy.” Well,… Read more

The Slippery Grip of Command and Control Leadership

We were celebrating the successful launch of my good friend’s new amazing business. We had already had a glass of Read more

Leadership Koan: When Help Is Not

I want to shout to the Mother, "Go get your baby! Help it to stand! Help it to walk!" But Read more

Are We Really Dealing With Tragedy? 5 Guidelines for Recovery

Somewhere in my news feed I saw a clip of our nation’s elected leader in Houston, telling the media and… Read more

Two Ways Perfectionism Affects Your Authority

Years ago I heard a captivating talk by Resonate author Nancy Duarte at the World Domination Summit. Duarte's talk, delivered… Read more

Kicking Your Secret Habit

If one doesn't immediately come to mind, you're probably scanning your life for your latest bad habit. Is it the… Read more

Honestly Speaking

It is important to consider when and how honesty is useful, and how much honesty is necessary to get your Read more

Not My Problem Dot Com, or The Right Relationship to Responsibility

I was onsite interviewing several employees about their work environment, when, between meetings, I couldn't help but overhear the playful… Read more

Pandemic Leadership: Get to Know the “Back Up”

You’ve lived with constant anxiety. PIVOTED. Worked too hard, too long. Applied for the loans. Here's one way to get Read more

The Myth of Lowfat Communication

In the 7th post in the Relationship as a Team Series, what each partner wanted, more than peaceful and clear Read more

The Saving Grace of the Third Thing

One of the things I really enjoy about working with business leaders and organizations is the ability to grow by… Read more

Three and one-half Words That Will Make You an Exceptional Lover and Leader

The more you say these words with conviction and presence, the more you experience what it means to show up Read more

A 2017 Skill: Get Bigger

A few years ago I worked with a woman who had been suddenly and brutally abandoned as a young girl… Read more

The Gift That Opens You

This weekend I celebrated the 50th year of a close friend. It was a momentous and intimate gathering, and many… Read more

The Truth About “It’s Just Not Who I Am.”

In 2016, before he was president, Donald Trump declared that he would not take the advice of his seasoned political… Read more

5 Ways to Make this Vacation the Best

You may not need leadership skills to make your vacation a smash — but consider these five simple steps to Read more

Self-Leadership: Distinguishing Facts, Feelings and Fiction

A woman I know was preparing to interview for a huge internal promotion. She hired a coach to help her Read more

When Does the Mirror Hold You Hostage?

  Not too long ago, nestled between the political rants, adorable animal videos and proverbial 'happy life' photos of my… Read more

Ready for Your Masterpiece? Cultivate These 4 Essential Factors

The other day I saw a short video talk that reminded me of a dear friend who lives on the… Read more

Lessons from the Outback

5:45 am is not my best time, especially if there's no coffee around. But that's the time I was groggily… Read more

How to Prevent a Fight

When a big storm is coming, mother nature lets you know. Wind, clouds, humidity and barometric pressure all change in Read more

Tribe, Tribe Again

  A few years ago, when Twitter was new and addicting, a tweet popped up that caught my eye. It… Read more

What to Do If It’s Not Your Year, or Magnolia Interruptus

Whether or not you live in the Northeast, you've probably heard that winter came for a belated visit, right in… Read more

How Are You Dealing With Difference?

I've generally kept my political views out of public sight -- not as a matter of pride or principal; it… Read more

6 Essential Guidelines for Breaking Habits

"I said to the abbot -- I'll get in the habit, but not in the habit" -- Steven Sondheim  When… Read more

The Year in Impact

Here we are, again at the start. So many new opportunities to lead in love, to hold your own while… Read more

Leadership Lesson: Saved By the Task

I discovered something essential about being a leader many years ago during my drama therapy internship at the West Haven Read more

If You Meet the Buddha on Blab . . .

"One of the simplest paths to deep change is for the less powerful to speak as much as they listen,… Read more

Skip the Side of Lies: Blossom Instead

If you feel that your current job (or lack there of) is not challenging you or utilizing the depth of Read more

Limitations

A little while ago I crossed paths with the most gorgeous, good natured, collarless puppy. I named him Brad Pitt-Bull… Read more

Authority Lessons from the New Pooch

Years ago, I learned about my limitations from a dog I rescued up the road. This summer, when we picked… Read more

Transition

September: That bittersweet month for summer lovers when the lightly marked appointment books and lively green memories fade into the… Read more

Which Type of Narcissist Are You?

In the middle of a risky conversation with a steady boyfriend, one in which we were confessing our doubts about… Read more

Speaking Freely on the High Costs of Free

If you have been hanging out online, you've probably noticed the copious amounts of free stuff that entrepreneurial practitioners like… Read more

How to Be In a Relationship Without Losing Yourself

I made a different funny face for every ridiculous reason Barry gave for his decision to stop dating his fabulous… Read more

Where Are You on the Independence Spectrum?

Independence. What a wonderful thing. It is at the heart and soul of the American consciousness and in many ways… Read more

How to Have the Same Fight Over and Over

The first in a series about leadership in relationship, this backwards post is meant to provoke thought and reflection about Read more

I’ll Have a Tall Dark Grande With A Shot of Confidence

Listening to these women mirror their modern, mate-selection process back to me, I realized how dismissive and petty we have Read more

Tell Me What You Want, Not What To Do

Eden was upset. John was nervous. Eden, with her good communication, had asked John to "just listen." John knew that meant… Read more

Think you need to be MORE feminine or masculine for love? Check again.

A variety of relationship experts are counseling men to pump up their masculinity and women to return to their softer feminine Read more

What Chris Rock Taught Me About Relationships

There is always comedy in the extremes, and I don’t know about you, but when I recognize the crooked truths, Read more

When a Picture Breeds A Thousand Questions

One seemingly ordinary January day, I was walking along the road from my home in the woods to run some Read more

Is Entrepreneurism the New Therapy?

Now that pharmaceuticals are widely used to alleviate some of the general malaise and anxiety of living in the modern Read more

Preparing For the Storm in Life and Love

When we are unprepared, our vulnerability gets triggered, which is a good thing in terms of growth and learning for Read more

Right Relationship Roles: How Not To Become Your Partner’s Therapist*

You’ve probably found yourself analyzing and diagnosing your significant other, hoping that he or she will listen to your diagnosis Read more

Is Personal Growth Really Good for Your Relationships?

Change is destabilizing -- and for most people, destabilization is very triggering. When people are emotionally triggered or feeling insecure, Read more

Got Delegation Anxiety? 4 Skills to Help You Delegate

Growth is a part of leadership. Sooner or later, you will have to trust someone else to do the jobs Read more

Do You Need a Leadership Makeover?

Did you just get an amazing new job or promotion, and now are feeling shaky, like despite all your leadership… Read more

Leaders: Beware the 4 Hidden “Jobs” Funded By Anxiety

When people are under the gun, unless they are super clear on what their job is, they may unconsciously resort to Read more

Intention is Great. Don’t Forget Execution

On a recent summer day, a large group of family and friends were enjoying a picnic at a local state Read more

Vulnerability is the New Currency. Except When It’s Counterfeit

Everything of high value requires your protection: Your sentimental objects, your iPhone, your children, your health, your IRA. So why not Read more

Living in a Crazy Time Calls for Sane Relationships. Sort of.

It certainly is a chaotic time to be on the planet. Let's stay connected by nurturing our relationships. Read more

Online Marketing Not Working Like It Used To? It Might Be You. Or Not.

I recently received this comment from a colleague who unsubscribed from my e-mail list: "I just have too many emails Read more

Tragedy and Humanity

I felt my heart leap into my throat and tears stream down my cheeks, and I noticed others blinking back Read more

Leadership in Tense Relationship Moments, Pt. II

You can’t always choose how life is going to go, but if you pay attention to the roles that simply Read more

Leadership in Tense Relationship Moments, pt. I

Katherine got into the car, and immediately felt Steve's lousy mood suck all the air out of it. "Oh no,"… Read more

Small Biz Leadership: Keeping Momentum

When you compare where you are with where you want to be, you will feel inadequate (a flavor of shame). Read more

Must Leaders Graduate High School?

I had no idea that I would feel so small as I gazed out over the field and felt that Read more

Leadership, Praise and Appreciation

I asked the CEO about some of the beliefs he tried to live by, and he revealed that one of Read more

Are You Stuck in Freedom?

I was talking to a man who described his terrific new full-time job as if it were a failure. I Read more

Leadership, Vision and the Daily Juggle

Sheila and Tracy found themselves arguing mercilessly about logistics. Who was doing more household tasks? How was the middle child Read more

Leadership and Avoidance: A Sometime Strategy

We know the limitations of avoiding big conversations and feelings in relationship on a regular basis, so avoidance is obviously Read more

The Sexy Side of Boring

I usually go for seltzer water or fermented grapes, but sometimes you get the kind of news that is better Read more

The Business of Being Complex

You would think that after witnessing so many women in the sheer agony of childbirth, she would be prepared. But Read more

Leadership and the Art of Emotional Containment

All through dinner prep and catching up with my friend, I breathed into my discomfort as I focused my full Read more

Leading from the Outside-In: Masks, Costumes and Other Tools of Leadership and Love

My partner loves to tease when he catches me putting on a little perfume before one of my online courses. Read more

Where Does Authority Come From? A BlogPlay

FL: Maybe I don't have enough vision. Maybe I'm not communicating well with them. They're not getting it. I want Read more

4 Ways to Lead in Relationship

Although it was a special Valentine's Day dinner, in a very pricey restaurant, we could hear the conversation of the Read more

Hug, Talk, Text: Thoughts on Intimacy, Embodiment and Technology

I am a denizen of the modern world of dating, in which the telephone has become nearly extinct. To arrange Read more

Leadership and the Art of Seeing Another

I once had an eccentric boss. Everyone liked the head receptionist, but after a year on the job, her work Read more

Leadership, Compassion and the Inner Gym

I closed my eyes, breathed and focused on relaxing the muscles I normally used, and tried to lift the bar. Read more

The Year in Peeps

Watching the snow fall during a recent storm here in the East, I thought about how those tiny little flakes Read more

How to Fight the Good Fight, Pt. III: Negotiate + Introducing the BlogPlay

Wouldn't it be useful if more personal fights had a more professional consideration, with less defensiveness, less reactivity and less Read more

How to Fight the Good Fight, Part II: Translate

In the fifth post in the Relationship as a Team series, we explore a great way to have fights that Read more

How to Fight the Good Fight Part I: Bad Fights, Good Practices

The fourth article in the Relationship as a Team Series. Most of us have a convoluted relationship to conflict. If Read more

Come Closer: Please Take Some Space

In the third post in the Relationship as a Team Series, Ed doesn't want to take the garbage out at Read more

How to Keep Your Relationships from Being Too Much Work

The second post in the Relationship as Team Series, scheduled maintenance talks require couples who avoid talking to each other Read more

Are Relationships a lot of Work?

A client came to me distraught. He had been struggling in his relationship. His fiancée was non-responsive to his needs. Read more

Essential Leadership: The Art of Holding Both

When I allow the dismal thoughts and stories associated with the feelings to lead ("I am alone," "I will be Read more

Strange Sickbed-fellows: The Hidden Pleasures of Drama

We never think when we are in the midst of our fatalistic inner scenarios that we might actually be deriving Read more

My Ego is on Fire, and Other Conference Strategies, (#WDS2013, part two)

Are you someone who just loves conferences and workshops? Or do you have mixed feelings about attending them? For me, Read more

Leadership and The Art of Non-Domination (WDS review, part one)

If you actually consult with leaders, you know how impossibly rare the combination of ideal qualities is, and how much Read more

Radical Growth: 5 Steps to Un-five-stepping Your Life

While lists and steps provoke thought and provide wisdom and structure, they cannot fix your life, transform you into Churchill, Read more

The Difference Between Self-esteem and Grandiosity

Success does not discriminate between the two. But true Leadership does. You will be recognized, followed and deeply appreciated as Read more

Leadership & Marketing Lessons from A Turkey

I was on the phone with my brilliant business and marketing coach, pouring through the details of why my latest Read more

Does Your Relationship Have a Vision?

With all the choices and information about relationships we now have available to us, I am still surprised by how Read more

Role, Role, Role in the Hay

When you clarify your roles in relationship and bring consciousness to the leadership in them, something sacred happens. All the Read more

A Different Kind of Leaning In

In the fourth post in the Leadership in Relationship Series, Amber and her boyfriend use leadership principles to co-create a Read more

When The Heart is a Fickle Leader

The heart itself is not always a trustworthy leader. It simply is. It likes what it likes. It loves things Read more

From NY to Boston, With Love

Today the events of the Boston Marathon have finally caught up with me. I've been avoiding it. But I did Read more

The Power of “Not Now”: Leadership and Self-containment

You've probably heard of "The Power of Now," but if you are often rushing, emotionally overheated, or unsure of when Read more

Soul Fetch: The Art of Transitioning between Work and Life

Even if you work at home in your PJ’s at a job you love, being in any one mode for Read more

Hang In There: Making Peace with Process

I once lived in an ashram where hours of time would be put into very detailed and laborious tasks, such… Read more

Relationship Clarity, One Role at a Time

There is a lot of solid advice out there about good communication, but you may have noticed that these guidelines Read more

Are You Strong Enough to Be My Fan?

Oh, the disappointment. Lance Armstrong, champion of champions, exposed as a liar and a cheat. Beyonce, pop-star Goddess, lip-syncing the Read more

Reclaiming Arrogance

I know what some of you might be thinking. Ummm, Blair, did I read the title of this one correctly?… Read more

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Mammogram . . .

En route to the waiting room, where I was to disrobe and re-robe, remove my underarm deodorant and wait to Read more

Single for the Holidays? There’s a Gift

I'm not going to be telling you how to "be with your loneliness" in the hopes that one day you Read more

Self-Leadership: How To Do What You Need To When You Don’t Wanna

Resistance, Shmizistance: Stop calling your avoidance Resistance and have some fun. Has knowing you're resisting something ever helped you stop Read more

I’m Putting My Money Where My Mantra Is

I'm not really an "altar" type. When I lived in an ashram and again when I was studying shamanism, I… Read more

The Sort-of-Quick Guide to Boundaries

Do you have trouble saying no, and feel resentful, tired or overextended a fair amount of the time? If you… Read more

What Valentine’s Day Reminds Me of This Year

Every Valentine's Day is different for me, and it's different for each person on the planet. For some, it's a… Read more

Stress-Free Holidaze? Nah. Just Prepare

Unless you have been living under a rock for the past two decades, you already know what to do to Read more

Gratitude and Obligation

I was writing, or attempting to write in my favorite coffee shop, when I couldn't help but overhear a conversation Read more

Simulationships: Is the Body Becoming Obsolete?

Also published for my column Inner Actions on Feminist.com My niece and nephew, twin toddlers, practically pee their pull-ups over… Read more

June Gloom

If you're one of those who noticed that I haven't written a muse-letter in a while, there might be a… Read more

The Secret Shadow

"Forget your perfect offering, There is a crack, a crack in everything That's how the light gets in."----Leonard Cohen Hallelujah! "The… Read more

Off the Hook

Although there are "hookless" ways to establish closeness and intimacy, hooking can eventually lead to meaningful relationships. But there is Read more

Untangling the Knot of Desire

Aaaaah, Spring. We're deep in it. And this year, for us in the Northeast, we are finally having one. As… Read more

New Diagnosis: Late Bloomer Syndrome (LBS)

A beautiful female colleague of mine is getting married for the first time at 51. A friend of mine in Read more

Showing Up

Years ago, an attractive  man from Colorado contacted me. He wanted to get to know me better. I told him… Read more