Consider that you are on the precipice of leaving a toxic relationship.
Or a stultifying work situation.
On the flip side, perhaps you are falling in love.
Maybe you are up for a BIG promotion.
In each case, you hesitate. Your heart races. Your thoughts churn as you entertain the
What if?
What if I am alone forever?
What if I can’t pay my rent?
What if it doesn’t work out?
What if I cannot do what is expected of me?
What if I have to work too hard?
What if I get really hurt?
People will spout all sorts of wisdom and say encouraging things.
Don’t let fear lead.
Better to have loved than lost.
Everything happens for a reason.
Do what you love and the money will follow.
Do they help you shift?
Sometimes. Other times, especially when you’ve been around the block a few times, these types of truisms can feel empty. This is because you are not looking for advice. You are looking to put an end to discomfort, which you probably know, is futile. Discomfort is a part of growth and change.
But there are three and-a-half words I recommend and never get sick of saying to myself and to certain loved ones. No matter what kind of situation is occurring, they always bring the courage and the percentage of comfort that is needed.
These words are:
“I’ll be there.”
What if the money runs out?
“I’ll be there.”
What if my heart gets broken?
“I’ll be there.”
Because you will.
And of course, if in a moment you are panicking and if you remember, you can shorten it to two and one-half simple words:
“I’m here.”
I cannot believe this is happening.
“I’m here.” Say it to yourself, over and over.
The more you say these words with conviction and presence, the more you experience what it means to show up for yourself. What it means to be there when the shit hits the fan, when your life as you know it either explodes into success or falls to pieces. And if you are interested in loving deeply and leading effectively, it will do just that from time to time. I’ll be there will help you cultivate the strength to wait patiently while whatever needs to shift, peel off or come apart does, so you can integrate and emerge anew.
And the more you remember to say these words, and mean them, and experience being there for yourself, the easier it is to say them to others. When your child expresses fear about trying out for the school play. When your employee confesses concerns about taking on a new project. When your dear friend courageously leaves a spouse of 20 years.
Saying these words and living their meaning becomes a valuable relationship and leadership skill.
And then, when you understand what it means to be there, without needing to fix or change what doesn’t need to be fixed or changed, your loving and leading become quite profound. The amount of intimacy accessible to you is vast and nourishing. The amount of influence you have grows exponentially. Because you earn a reputation for showing up. For having the courage to take big risks. For being a refuge. For being love itself.
I’ll be there. No matter what.
What words do rely upon to love and lead well?
22 responses to “Three and one-half Words That Will Make You an Exceptional Lover and Leader”
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Blair,
This is the most beautiful, uplifting and inspiring, bolstering post I have read… maybe ever.
What a beautiful… thought… to add to my subconscious, to remember, to think and to say.
Because, really… that is really all that matters.
I’ll be there.
I’m here.
Amber, Thanks for your response. I am so glad to hear it impacted you! I’m here too!
Blair,
I followed Amber here and I loved this post, too. It’s so much more meaningful and true to give support than encouragement ’cause sometimes the worst happens, and we know it’s going to happen. And that HAS to be okay. ‘Cause life is okay!
Hi Betsy, so glad you followed! It’s true, sometimes the worst does happen. And you’ll be there. And then, when the tables turn and when you are on top of the world again, you won’t miss it. Thanks again for reading and for your comment.
Totally inspiring. My imagination is running with it already. Can’t wait to start saying it.
Carla,
Yay! Can’t wait to hear how it goes!
Dear Blair,
What a beautifully simple expression of solidarity, as well as a timely reminder that all the fixing and/or advice in the world doesn’t mean as much as the simple act of being present for ourselves and those most important to us. Thank you!
So glad it touched, Samantha!
Blair,
I love this post. To remember that wherever we go there we are is reassuring and encouraging and humbling too. It means we don’t have to be other than who we are, because who we are is all we need, EXACTLY who we need, to be present to lives opportunities for growth.
Love Mucho,
Cat
Yes! Yes! Love to you, too.
*Life’s opportunities. 🙂 Although I like, “lives’ opportunities”. :))
This is a very pithy, elegant and memorable message that vividly captures my imagination that little things (said in 3.5 words) make a big difference. I must admit, however, that it is very hard for me to walk this talk when these are the choicest words for the hour. I hope a large audience of well wishers draw inspiration from the 3.5 words to create more relationship capital.
Ramu,
Thanks so much for your response.
As your comment so well suggests — there aren’t any formulas. These words often help me, and have soothed when said to me by others. They feel good to say. But there are moments when no words help. In the hour in which there are no words, no rising to the occasion, I can only rely on faith that I am there, because I cannot actually feel it. Best to you.
Hi Blair
Just decided to sign up and saw this post! It is fabulous – three and a half words … and shift happens!
Love it … and I’ll be there and I am here!
Kind regards
John
John, Thanks so much for signing up. I’ll be there, and I’m here, too!
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Thank you for sharing this simple expression of love which has a profound impact on others. It reminds of Dr. King’s philosophy of the interrelatedness of the human experience. We are all connected and love is the thread that weaves us together.
“We are all connected and love is the thread that weaves us together.” Very beautiful. Thank you so much for your comment and reflections, Artika.
Blair, this is my all time favorite post of yours. It has stuck with me every since I first read it, and recently, it helped pull me through a rough time. I’m so grateful for you and this message. Thank you so much.
Nancy,
Thank you for this. I am so glad it was useful to you in a dark time. I use it everyday. Grateful for you as well.
>>What if I cannot do what is expected of me?
>>What if I have to work too hard?
Thinking about those thoughts and then read your post! OK now let me try and take the first step!
Good luck and keep me posted!!!